All I need


You're the air I breath
My water of life
My strength to keep walking
You're the reason I live
My bread of life
You are all I need

There are many places to search for meaning in our life
There are many ways to try to satisfy our longings
But they all lead down a road of desperation
They won't take us where we want

After many years of searching, I found my answer
I tried to do it in my own strength to keep goin' on my way
But then when I could no more I found your
Love and embrace taking me home

Why can't we let go
When it's not much that you're asking
Why do we hold back
When it's so much that you're giving

And it's the moment we let go
When we surrender it all
Then the ray of light breaks into our heart
And a river of joy is flooding our life

What is love?

They say love is a game
Love is a battlefield
The rules are what you define
They say it is physical
About what makes you feel good
They say you can just takes it
Say you can just make it

But my heart tells me there's something wrong
The word love has been abused
Forgotten the definition
And lost is its meaning

Is love about the pink cloud
Butterflies and funny feelings
The idyll we get presented
Is it about attraction
Being together feeling nice
They say it's all there is
Say it's all we're wanting

What is love and how do I define it?
What is love and where do I find it?
Is it more than just a big word?
What is love and how do I know?

Or is it about being with someone and feeling whole?
Or is it about the tormenting pain when you leave?
Is it about you or rather caring for the others best?

Way of life

I find myself walking on my way
A freezing wind blowing in my face
When I stumble and fall, lying on the ground
I turn my head wondering where all the others are
I realize that I was fighting all alone
With no one there supporting me

And I am lying there shivering with cold
Exhausted by my desperation
I start to cry, I start to scream
Is there anybody helping me?

My precious child, I’m here for you
I love you and I will never leave you
When you are left outside alone
I call for you, to come into my arms
I want to comfort you
Refill your heart with strength
Trust in me and I will be your guide

I find myself getting on my feet
The freezing wind still blowing in my face
I stumble and nearly fall
Trying to keep myself upright
I turn my head wondering where all the others are
I realize I’m not alone any more
Cause God is there supporting me

And as I’m standing here shivering with cold
Exhausted by my desperation
I feel some strength growing inside of me
Cause there’s someone helping me

Life’s not getting easy
And hard times don’t just leave
But he can guide you with his light
And will be walking by your side
To guide you safe until the end

Mountain of God

Thought that I was all alone

Broken and afraid
But you were there with me
Yes, you were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But you were there with me
Yes, you were there with me

Til you opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I could't ever make it
Without you

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the one who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That you have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, you are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That you are here with me
Yes, you are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But you are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things that I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possesed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

A wonderful song, written by Third Day, that has helped me through a rough year and is still encouraging me over and over again. For everyone that's having a hard time and doesn't understand why life is the way it is. As long as we hold on to the truth there is hope and new strenght awaiting us.

BEAUTIFUL FATHER

You are somewhere out there

Behind the ends of the universe
That yo u have created.
You are the one
That placed every star upon the sky
That you have designed.
Everything that lives is breathing your life
All the beauty is rooted in you.

And so I say:
Thank you Lord for all creation,
For everythig you gave me,
For blessing me with life and love,
For meeting me right where I am.
Thank you God, you who created
Almighty ruler of all life
That I can call you Dad

You are somewhere right here
Impossible for human eyes to see
But I am sure.
You are the one
That leads me on the path of righteousness
Where I am safe.
You have promised to never leave me
Nor forsake me but stay with me.

Everytime I'm down and broken
I lift my eyes to see your beauty.
I'm covered with your lovely wings,
I'm caried in your gentle arms

And hope is rising up again.

The Question of Control

Most of the western countries are usually seen as pretty safe palces. By that we mean that the political situation is stable, everything about life is pretty sophisticated and convenient.
We depose our money on banks where it's working for us, instead of hiding it underneath the matress. We have insurances for every thing and all of it together makes us feel pretty safe and secured. We think, we have everything under control.

Until one ordinary day the flow of life suddenly gets out of its course and things crash. In a split second everything we thought under control runs out of our hands. Someone else might have made a mistake, different factors come together in a way that works against us and we come to realize that our life is not in our hands.
In truth we actually have nothing under control. Just a few seconds can decide about our life: winn or loss, health or sickness, life or death. And all of a sudden all our insurances are nothing but a way of consulation that can't undo the demage. There just is no insurance against pain. Our body is very fragile and our soul even more.
We're never safe from events and encounters that can change our life for ever in just one moment in time. This doesn't always have to be to our disadvantage but the thought of our vulnerability is what's so scary. But to live in fear because of this is not going to help anyway.

Those moments when you might come out of a car accident completely unhurt show us all to clear that our lives are in mightier hands. So what do we do about this realization? Freak out? That surley won't help at all. Ignore it? Unfortunately you can't run away from the inevitable. So what other options do we have? We can just accept the fact and willingly put our life into the hands of the almighty creator and trust his promises that he will take care of us. I don't think that we have an other choice unless we want to waste our energy on solutions that are illusive.
It seems to me that taking the risk of trusting God is the only real solution we have to this dilemma. He promised to give us all we need, to be with us and to keep us safe.

Obeying Gods Voice

As a fromer YWAMer I should know enough about "hearing Gods voice" and honestly, hearing his voice isn't such a big deal. The better you get to know God and the more you invest into this relationship the more you hear his voice and actually recognize it as such.
But the big question is: what do we do with what God tells us? Sometimes he speaks up very clearly and gives us guidance for our life, direction for the next steps or long awaited answers. Other times we might hear his voice, understand what he wants us to do, but.....we think, we know better. At least I did when I was asking him about my living situation.

For about 5 months I've been trying to find a new home here in Lausanne. I've been doing everything that I could from my side to find a place: I talked to people, I checked a number of different homepages, went to see appartments and met possible future flat mates and was just running around for months stressing out about it. The only outcome of all my effort was, that I became tired. And as I didn't succed in my trying I already had to put up with two temporary solutions provided by God. All the time I had the feeling that something was going wrong.
In those moments of desperation I was asking God what was wrong, what I was doing wrong. I got the same answer every single time: "Just wait and don't worry." -" Very funny", I tought " you might understand that my situation isn't as relaxed as yours and I don't have neither the time nor the nerves to just wait." And so I kept on trying.
I also have to mention at this point that I was asking God very specificly for a place by July. But as the month of June was coming to its end and I wasn't any further, it felt like coming to a dead end. There I stood a week ago, facing the wall and finally letting go.

Monday night after connect group I felt urged to just ask my leader Nikki, whether she happended to know someone who has a room available. "Yes I do" was her answer and so things started to fall into place again. God arranged it all in a way that I could never have thought of. It suddenly all worked out so perfectly that I could only laugh about it.

But it also left me with the questions: "Why is it so hard to obey him, when he asks something so simple? Why is it so hard to trust him, when what he asks, is going against the normal way of solving the problem? Why didn't I obey when I knew exactely what he told me to do?" Life could be so much easier if we obeyed God also in the small things that seem so irrelevant. We even risk to miss out on a lot of blessings that the has prepared for us.